Montage: Beginning Pottery, Comminty

I had a bout of watching the sitcom “Community” this summer and was flabbergasted when this episode “Beginning Pottery” rolled around. At first I was insulted for the worst misconceptions of what potter’s are are exemplified for comedic effect. This resentment turned into pure uninhibited hilarity as I found my humility. I will give you a play by play:

It starts with our main man Jeff-  “I herby present this semesters Jeff Winger pick for ultimate blow off class, Beginner Pottery.. You don’t even have to make a good pot. You get an Art credit for participation. This class is like a redhead that drinks scotch and loves Die Hard, I suggest you all get her number.”

We meet the ceramics teacher, he is a cliché elated artsy hippy. There is only one rule- never impersonate Demi and Patrick in Ghost. Never.

Ceramic instructor- “Hello my precious blueberries. There is one and only one rule in this class I will tolerate no reenacting, whether it be ironic or sincere of the Patrick Swazy Demi Moore pottery scene in Ghost. Ever since that movie was released in 1990 I have seen every possible variation of what I call “ghosting” this can be guy on girl, girl on  guy, the hilarious guy on guy… and since it never stopped I’ve had to adopt a zero ghosting tolerance policy.”

And the budding potters learn to center, the skeptic men taking notice of the erotic phallic nature of the endeavour. Frustration ensues as we all know centering is none to easy.

But what is this? A “beginner”, a doctor, Rich, taking ceramics for fun so skilled and attracting all the ladies? Hippie teacher man believes he is a prodigy. Jeff discovers his competitive side.

Jeff- “Rich is ringer, a comma, grifter. He is an expert potter that signs up for beginner classes to impress people.”

“Rich just taught me how to make a flanged lip on my pot and check for great lumps!”

Our main character decides if Mr.Dr can do it so can he. But he must face his childhood demons of failure to take the first steps in a learning curve where he is doomed to fail, Oh ceramics!

He fails.

His friend is catching on with her modest but centred plate and swoons and shows her skills to the talented Doctor Pottery man. Talented Dr. Pottery man reciprocates.

Our main squeeze is on to Dr.Pottery man and starts looking into his history. Where did he get his education?

Santa Fe! Enter friends. He hasn’t slept all night.

Jeff-” Guess where Rich is from? Santa Fe, New Mexico. No body gets out of Santa Fe without learning how to make a pot. They eat and great clay there.”

“I think someone’s research may have been done on Wikiapedia”

Jeff- “Busted! You are busted Rich! You just used the throwing off the hump method. That’s an advanced pottery technique and I know because last night I read the entire encyclopedia of pottery. You are no beginner Santa Fe! Show him what you did. Throw off the hump you impostor!”

In class is comes to man handling. Overcome with spite our fellow attempts to ruin the pot…

” One rule I asked you to follow. One. Look!”

No Patrick.

“Congratulations. You failed a class you easy that people passing in the hallway get a contact credit!”

.Jeff- “I just have a really hard time when I want to be good at something and I suck.”

Wise Friend- “What some people call failure, I call living”

Poor Doctor man, he just wanted to make some pots.

The End.

It was pretty hilarious.


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